The unfading beauty of a gentle & quiet spirit

Have you ever woken up feeling so unsatisfied with life? Everything is okay but for some reason, you're missing something. You're married to a wonderful man. You have wonderful children. You have a nice home. You're financially okay. Career-wise, you're okay. But you aren't satisfied with your days. You go about your routine. You laugh and smile. But by the end of the day, you find yourself day-dreaming of something even more than today. Then you think about the what-ifs. You start regretting and then you start blaming yourself. You feel bad enough and you don't even know how it all started.

I don't usually shower on weekdays. Yes, my life has gone to that point. I don't have anything exciting happening on weekdays. However, on weekends, I get to go to church. I shower and dress nicely. On other days, I'm in my sweats, chasing a little boy all over the house. I love my husband, but sometimes, he isn't very lovable. A lot of the time, I'm not very lovable either. But I woke up today and showered for no particular reason. I got a book to read. I got my bible. I dusted out my untouched-for-almost-a-year camera (I don't know why). I wrote a little. I even doodled a bit. Maybe, just maybe, it would all change the way my day/s are going.

As I was reading, I stumbled unto this:

"Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle & quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." - 1 Peter 3:4

Do you know the term "selfie"? It's when you take a photo of yourself - kind of like a self-portrait minus the all the heaviness of art. It's all over social medias. Everybody does it. Occasionally, I do it too. But only when I look good and dress nice. But I haven't been feeling beautiful lately, which explains the lack of photos of myself on my Facebook/Instagram. But today, God reminded me that beauty isn't what I wear or the status of my life. Beauty is a gentle spirit, a quiet spirit - one that listens and loves beyond the unlovely.

In so many ways have my patience been put to the test, and I am not a patient person. There have been so many times that I just lash out. I understand that I have to love selflessly but I just can't. I can't love without wanting love in return. I can't serve without expecting a thank you. I just can't. I want to be rewarded for the things I do. I mean, who doesn't, right?

Hush. He tells me. It's not okay, but you'll be okay.