I often find myself at the end of my soul seeking for something that I will never find there. I am a mother. Mothers never have time for themselves. A quick shower requires so much effort. The house never runs out of mess. There will always be errands to do and children to tend to. I am in a constant cycle of such mundane that I get so stuck. Mothers can get so entangled in such selflessness that it doesn't even become a selfless act. I don't understand how one can do so much selflessness yet never be fully selfless.
Everyday, I battle the tiredness. I struggle between resting or spending a little time on myself. Usually, I choose to sleep. But today, I fought my tiredness and decided to read His word. And it just started getting a little bit clearer. I'm in a battle. The busyness of motherhood can keep mommies, like me, from growing, from learning, from fighting off exhaustion a little bit more just to spend a little bit of time with God.
Jeremiah 29:12 says "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
He said, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I just want to emphasize on those words because He said when I seek him with all my heart, I will find him. I will find him in this state of jadedness. I will find him in between all the exhaustion and dirty diapers. I will find him.
I am in desperate need of revival. I need Him to jump-start my heart. I need Him to renew me. He said come to me all who thirst and I will satisfy. He renews those who are tired. He restores the broken. He revives the dead. He makes beautiful things out of dust. He makes beautiful things out of nothing. He makes all things new. He will make me new.