I think mothers are slightly insane. I completely understand you now, mommy! I mean, wouldn't you go crazy if all your days were spent with tiny human beings who could barely communicate what they want? You'd be on a goose-chase figuring out what it is they really need. And sometimes, it isn't a need. It's just in their nature to be whiney, cranky and simply be a child. Why did I think mothering a newborn and toddler was insane? Mothering two toddlers are even crazier. They've begun to bicker. It is the most annoying thing in the world. I've become quite a good referee, instead of a mom. I find myself shouting and yelling quite often around the house. If they could describe me, I would probably be the angry-mom, the serious-mom.
This is when I've realized that I am spending way too much time with my children. Let me just say that the boys are with me 90% of the time and that includes all errands of sorts. For the past two years or so, I've been a stay-at-home wife and mom. And it is a wonderful experience. It has taught me that time is truly valuable. I had the privilege that most women would gladly give up anything for. I was so honoured that my husband would let me stay home, while he does his best in providing for our growing family. But cleaning up the house to loving my family has become such a chore for me. It has become just another to-do on my list. Play with kids? Check. Spend time with husband? Check. I've begun to daydream of better days when I'm no longer just staying at home. When my kids are finally in school and I am no longer chained to the house because of tiny people.
I've began to notice that when for any reason I get to go out by myself or when someone offers to take my boys out... for any reason that my family and I do not get to be with each other for a couple of hours, we get along so well for the rest of the day. There are no disagreements. No fighting. And definitely lots of hugging and kissing because "Mama, I miss you!" Why didn't I think of this before? Why didn't I prioritize my needs before theirs? After all, I am human too. And if being a good mother or wife means that I need to be alone for a few hours in the day, then I should be prioritizing that. I should be seeking my welfare too. I have neglected myself and thus, become the mom I never thought I'd be.
Perhaps, I wasn't supposed to be the mom I want to be, but the mom God wants me to be. I am, after all, just a girl in progress. Too often, I let my identity of mommy and wife be my only identity. When I was first and foremost, a daughter of our almighty Father. I forget who I was before I was theirs. And spending less time with my family has let me be me even for a couple of hours. And maybe, I would even bring home that girl in me to my family - the calm, fun and loving version of me.
Ps. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, there is something amazing that's about to happen around here. (Hint: you're gonna want it!) I'm so stoked! You guys better stay tuned.