Love God, love others

(Excuse the intensity, I'm preaching to myself today.)

I've been worrying about what people think of me. It doesn't make any sense but I do worry about it. When you put yourself out there, you tend to have this fear. I fear that people would misunderstand me. I fear that people would judge me. I fear that people would hate me. And this fear of being misunderstood, judged and hated; I seem to use it as a defence mechanism. I find myself misunderstanding others. I find myself judging others. I find myself hating others. And I justify my actions by telling myself that they too, misunderstand me. They judge me. And they hate me.

What I really don't see is that I am wrong for misunderstanding, for judging and in turn hating others. I am wrong. Because this isn't what God wants of me. This isn't from God. And I am from God. I should be like Him. But I am not. And I am so ashamed. I don't even have the guts to admit my mistakes out loud.

I am reading this book called "The Rabbi's Heartbeat" by Brennan Manning. And he says in this book:

"How I treat my brothers and sisters from day to day, whether they be Caucasian, African, Asian or Hispanic; how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street; how I respond to interruptions from people I dislike; how I deal with ordinary people in their ordinary unbelief on an ordinary day will speak the truth of who I am more poignantly than the pro-life sticker on the bumper of my car."

If I say I love Jesus, but I do not love others. Then I must be a hypocrite. Am I a hypocrite? Am I a liar? No! No, I don't want to be. I want to love others. I want to forgive. But it is just so hard! And I am struggling.

"The demands for forgiveness are so daunting that they seem humanly impossible. The exigencies of forgiveness are simply beyond the capacity of unguarded human will. Only reckless confidence in a Source greater than ourselves can empower us to forgive the wounds inflicted by others. In boundary moments such as these there is only one place to go - Calvary." - Brennan Manning

I was forgiven, even when I didn't ask for it. Jesus saved me. He loved me before I even loved Him. What makes me think it isn't right to forgive others even when they didn't ask for forgiveness? What right do I have to judge others? 

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies,
do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you,
pray for those who mistreat you...
Do not judge, and you will not be judged.
Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Give and it will be given to you.
A good measure, pressed own, shaken together
and running over, will be poured into your lap.
For with the measure you use,
it will be measured to you."

Luke 6:27, 37 - 38

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