I was 38 weeks pregnant. The day Tim was coming back to visit us, I cleaned the entire house. On that evening, I picked him up from the airport. Little did I know that my body got too tired. Night came and it was time for bed. I couldn't wait to cuddle next to my husband after almost 6 months apart.
December 27, 2012
We went to bed at 1am. I got to rest for about 30 minutes. But after that I had the urge to pee every 15 - 30 minutes. Tim was so tired from his flight, he didn't notice my restlessness. At around 4:30am, I started bleeding. But it was just a trickle. I got a scared, of course. I called my mom first, who was all the way in the Philippines, just to ask her what to do. They told me to go to the hospital. I got excited. I woke up Tim and we headed to the hospital.
When we got to the hospital, I handed over my papers. They had me checked and admitted for observation. They said I could be in labor soon. So over the next two days (December 27, 2012 - December 28, 2012), I had contractions at random. They would hurt but were bearable. I asked my doctor if she would let me go home and wait there instead. They wouldn't let me! Tim wasn't even allowed to stay the night because it was a shared room. I missed him so much and I didn't even get to spend a night with him before I gave birth. I only got to see him on visiting hours. He had to go back and forth from home to the hospital 2x a day. I got SO bored. Hospital life is no fun! I would be on Facebook all day. I walked all over the place to get my labor going. And I had tons of visitors already even before Zaki came out. I thought he was shy because my entire Facebook world was expecting him already. I would update my status and upload photos from time to time. "It's like we're on baby watch", as told by my friend. Those two days were the slowest days of my life!
December 29, 2012
Around 4:57am, my contractions started getting closer and longer. I couldn't sleep that night. I had been crying out to God during that time because my contractions started to hurt like HELL. One of my friends sent me the sweetest message of all. And that kept me going through the next few hours. I soaked in prayer and worshiped. By 6:30am, I couldn't stand the pain and called the nurse. She had me checked to see if I were dilated enough. With that said, I was at 2cm. She told me to call my husband and that I'll be moved to the delivery room.
Tim came ASAP. I got so excited! The next few hours was crazy! It was about 7am when I entered the delivery room. Contractions felt like super duper strong menstruation cramps. They gave me something to eat for breakfast but I had no appetite. The nurse was telling me about some pain-reliever.. I knew what she was talking about but I couldn't talk back. So she guessed that I wanted an anesthesia. It was injected somewhere on the side of my butt. And then I had the good ole gas to inhale whenever I felt pain. Even with all these meds, I was still in such pain. The wonderful thing about my delivery was with all the music I had listened to last night, I was LSS on Hillsongs' Desert song.
"And this is my prayer in the fire. In weakness or trial or pain There is a faith proved of more worth than gold So refine me Lord through the flames.
And I will bring praise. I will bring praise. No weapon forged against me shall remain. I will rejoice. I will declare. God is my victory and He is here."
So there I go praying in pain, I literally felt God hovering over me. It were as though He said "I died on the cross for you so you wouldn't feel anything more painful than that." I was probably high but I imagined Him on a cross with pain 100x more than what I was currently feeling. I knew that moment HE was RIGHT there with me. I took it one contraction at a time. I tried hard to follow the nurses instructions, although, in the beginning I did not know how. My nose was blocked because of a cold. I didn't know that I had to inhale the gas through my nose and not my mouth. The nurse told me off because she said I'd vomit if I continue doing that. And I did. So I asked God to clear my nose so I could breathe through it. AND HE DID!!! Instantly! It would've taken medicine some weeks to get my stuffy nose gone, but with God NOTHING is impossible.
When I got the hang of breathing through my nose, I inhaled gas with every contraction, of course, with the help of my hubby. I'm so proud of him. He did NOT chicken out like I thought he would. He sat there next to me. He gave me everything I asked for. I asked for a wet cloth to wipe my face and neck. Who knew you could be dry and sweat like crazy at the same time??? He wiped me with it. I also asked for water but I couldn't get up because I was attached to some monitor. So he tapped water on his fingertips and let it drip on my lips. My idea. And he let me hold his hand. I forgot to cut my nails. So guess what happened? He hand scars on his hand. I later apologized for it. But he said they were his battle-scars. Go figure. The monitor next to me showed signs if I were to have another contraction. Whenever it showed that I was about to have a contraction, hubby would tell me to inhale gas and hold it till the pain was gone.
So from 7am - 12pm, I wasn't allowed to push. I would fall asleep in between contractions and wake up in pain. I would wake up, inhale gas, hold Tim's hand, be in pain and then fall back to sleep. It was a cycle. I was so high, I dreamed/imagined/saw/thought that my husband was cookie monster and he was looking at me, smiling. Creepy much? I came in at 2cm dilated and by 11am, I was at 8cm dilated. By 11am-ish, I started to feel the urge to push but the nurses told me not to. I listened to them. I begged God to help me numb my lower body so I wouldn't push yet. And HE DID. My lower body was in SO MUCH pain but I DID NOT move it one bit during contractions. I would just inhale gas and squeeze Tim's hand. I think during this time, my eyes were mostly closed because I was so high/drowsy/sleepy/tired. I would talk with my eyes closed. I probably looked like a mess. Tim told me I was sleep talking random things. I even told him not to fall asleep or I'll kill him.
I became 10cm at around 12pm and was told to push. They gave me an episiotomy when I was about to deliver. The bed transformed from ordinary hospital bed to super duper delivery bed. They had all these buttons and handles. Or that was probably just in my head since I was high. Anyway, all-of-a-sudden, there were lots of nurses in the room and they instructed me to push with every contraction. They also told me to push to 10 counts. I remember listening to them while I was super drowsy. I don't know if I cried. But I sure was quiet. I didn't shout. I just had a really hard time talking. I think I had 4 - 5 pushes before baby came out. I remember looking over at Tim and he just kept saying, "oo, tama, galing naman". I just did what the nurses told me. They said hold here. Lift your head up with every push. Don't scream. Breathe. Push to ten. Rest. Push again. At some point, I even heard the nurse say "It's just like poopoo. Poo poo! Poo poo!" Haha! I believe it wasn't the hardest part of labor because with pushing comes relief. When Tim saw Zaki came out, he said "pogi". I was waiting for a cry, but he didn't cried. He just whimpered. I think during those times I had my eyes shut till Zaki came out. I didn't see him come out. I only saw him when the nurses handed him over to me, which was right after they sucked out all the watery stuff out of his nose and mouth. They weighed him first and then gave him to me. He weighed 3.665kg. Tim was sent out because they were going to sew the episiotomy. I held Zaki for the first time. I don't remember if I cried. I think I did but with no tears since I was too dehydrated. I remember singing to Zaki, although, I forgot what song it was. I was very emotional. I remember talking to Zaki. I told him "Hi, I'm your mommy. It's nice to finally meet you." I felt a bit of pain while being sewn, I just focused on Zaki and ignored all the pain. After that they let Tim come back in and the nurses left us alone for an hour. I started breastfeeding him then. Although, I wasn't sure if he was getting anything. But I just kept trying. Breastfeeding didn't feel strange to me at all. It made me feel closer to Zaki.
When time came for us to move to the recovery ward, Tim wasn't allowed in till visiting hours. Zaki was sent to the doctors to do the routine check up and the vitamin K1 injection and a bunch of other stuff. I was told to rest. I should've rested. Because little did I know, it would be the last of it. I grabbed my phone and I was super lowbat from all the messages, calls and facebook notifications. I should've switched it off before delivery. Anyways, I was already on a mission to respond to everyone's messages and calls. Let me say it again, I should have rested. I think it was the after-effect of the painkillers. I was too awake now. After a few hours of "trying" to rest, Zaki was given back to me. Tim came back and spent time with Zaki for a bit. Maikha, a really good friend of mine was our very first visitor. She was so excited! She took photos. And was the first one to hold Zaki (aside from Tim and I). When she asked how I was, I remember giggling while saying, "ganun pala yun..".
It was one of the greatest moments of my life. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I would like to relive this moment years from now and remember how wonderful God was/is to us. God has been faithful. Zachary's now 3 months and 3 days old. It wasn't that long ago when my life was changed. But I love every bit of mothering this precious little boy.
Now, I'm on to a different chapter of my life and it's called motherhood. I know it's not easy. I don't know what I'll be facing next year or let alone, next few months, but I'll be sure to face it head-strong. Moments like these are the moments that I live for - moments that takes my breath away.