Yesterday, we had one of our worst mornings. He woke up at such an ungodly hour and just started crying. He refused to be comforted. I tried my best to help him, but he kicked my awfully large belly. And I just lost it. I snapped again. That's when I decided to leave him in bed, go to the bathroom and take a very deep breath. He stopped crying and started looking for me. I quickly prayed. I asked God (in the most desperate way ever) to just help me get through today. It's funny how I asked God to help me get through that day when it hasn't even yet started. I turned on some worship songs and let the rising sun seep through our blinds. Soon, my son started to calm down. I opened the window to get some fresh air. And we both felt so much better. Not long after, I was having one of the best days in weeks.
I often find myself crawling towards God in times like these. And usually, only in times like these do I run to Him. In moments when I don't need Him, I ignore Him. I pay more attention to TV shows. I admit, I don't spend enough time with Him. The only moments you will find me reading my bible is when I badly need a verse to quote.
But He has been faithful. He's been passionately pursuing me even when I run and hide. He's been calling my name from dusk till dawn. I hear him, but I don't respond. There are endless promises He's made that has come true. I have no reason for disbelief. He's always seen me through.
And I act as though, I'm the special one. I am full of shame. I don't think I'll ever be good enough to face Him. Maybe, one day. I will see Him. I am just so full of excuses. I am too tired. I don't have time. It's always about me. Why is it always about me when the reason of my existence is about Him?
I'd like to end this with a song in my head, and turn it into a prayer.
Love Song For A Savior by Jars of Clay