If only moms don't get tired and toddlers can keep out of trouble; if food was instantly prepared for dinner without trouble or mess; if dads didn't have to work so hard and have less sleep because of working over time; if only moms can keep their patience and still manage to keep the house clean - if only.
Today is one of those days where I just want to retreat under my blanket like I used to when I was just me. But I'm not just me anymore. I'm a chef, a cleaner, an entertainer, a budget-keeper, a mature woman who's supposed to know what she's doing; most importantly - I am mommy and wife. I'm not just me anymore.
Oh, how I long for the days when all I would care about is myself. I need not think of mouths to feed or diapers to change. I need not mind other's laundry but myself. I need not mind my time. I had all the time to myself. I could spend a whole day on the couch, watch movies, play video games, go out with friends... I could even go out by myself!
Have you ever felt this way? As much as I try to keep it together, I still find myself murmuring how frustrated I am. Even though I don't snap at others, my heart is still bitter. I've read a million times what a mother should be. And believe me, I do want to be all that. But when you're fighting with fatigue and your toddler just can't keep out of trouble... By the end of the day, I'm all out. I don't want to complain to my husband. I don't want to complain on anyone.
I probably should take a time out... right about now.